How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
