no, he came in my armpit
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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