they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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