it's too hot outside to masturbate.
he was CRYING into my vagina
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
