It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
