Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
