is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
