It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
