The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
