no, he came in my armpit
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
