You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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