Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
