i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
