dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
me + whiskey = a bad person
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
