called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
