sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
