ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize