Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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