Buhtt sex?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
