Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
