it wasn't lemon gatorade
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
We are all done wearing pants today
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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