I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
