So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
