So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
