there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize
