You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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