I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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