Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
