It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
