rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
