dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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