I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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