I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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