Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
