I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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