Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
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I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
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Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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