She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
