forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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