The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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