with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
