You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
