I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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