i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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