It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
His hands were made for my vagina.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
