pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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