why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
