So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
