We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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