No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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