Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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