Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
