If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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