college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
