soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
