Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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