Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
