I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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