is your mom at the bar?
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
