it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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