but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
