Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
