At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
