Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You need a sexual gate keeper
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
