well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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