I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
